The Boots


Before I went on a minimalism kick, I bought a bunch of stuff online from Nordstrom, during that big sale they had. That stuff included these boots, in taupe. They are, without question, the most gorgeous boots I’ve ever seen in my life. But they were too expensive, even on sale. They’re leather and I’m okay with wearing the leather items I already have, but I don’t want to buy any more leather stuff.

I’m very good at justifying purchases that are extravagant or conflict with my moral code. Frye boots last forever! (I’m still wearing the banana Campus boots I bought like 100 years ago.) It’s okay to buy leather because I don’t want to wear sweaty grandma shoes from Payless! It’s okay to spend gobs of money on boots when I don’t even go anywhere exciting enough to wear them ever, and even though Ben felt bad about buying one pair of shoes that he wears for work and running and will probably be the only shoes he buys for the next year! I’m bad ass! I need the most gorgeous boots ever! Think of how awesome I’ll look tromping around the office like a bitch from a Mike Posner song, where on a good day maybe 10 people who don’t care about my footwear will see me! Maybe the boots will distract everybody from the fact that my pants are too big and I suddenly have no ass! Wait, maybe I should spend more money on pants!

This stupid dialogue went through my head for several sleepless nights, which indicates I need better things to think about, sure, but eventually I decided to keep the boots, logic, morals, and financial situation be damned! It reminded me of this time in college my friend and I bought what at the time were ridiculously expensive faux-fur coats from Express and realized that buying the coats would make us so broke all we’d be able to do was sit around our dorm rooms petting our coats but goddamn we’d be fabulous doing it. (I’ve always been dumb!)

Even after minimalism hit and I realized that I do not under any circumstances need any more footwear, I declined to return the boots. By now they were not just boots. They were a symbol. A gorgeous and meaningful symbol of the last time in my life I will ever buy anything so outrageous. Although these boots are a symbol of my weak consumerist mind and tendency to spend more than I have, I will wear them and be reminded that I will no longer be a weak consumerist who spends more than I have! I am woman hear me roar!

This is all so stupid I can’t believe I’m telling you about it.

But wait a minute. What’s this?

It’s the biggest box ever, ready to go to Nordstrom. I should’ve packed it upside down, so the box would have a frowny face.

You could call this progress, or you could call this another instance of me being as stupid as I always am.

I decided to return the boots so I can use the money to fund veterinary care for our soon-to-be Rottweiler houseguest.

Having a Rottweiler houseguest is a worse idea than buying these boots. However, the Rottweiler doesn’t have anywhere else to go, so she will be our houseguest, if all goes well, for as long as it takes for her to find a forever home, which, if you know me — hey! I know what we need! In addition to the 900 animals we already have and a baby, we need 100+ pounds of dog!