Think Like a Baby


Song: Royal T by Crookers feat. Roisin Murphy
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In the early days of having a baby, it can be easy to get annoyed when the baby cries, which happens all the time. The worst is when you’re in bed, about to doze off after what seems like years, and you hear “Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” and then you’re all wide awake and you know it’ll take six years to get back to the point where you’re about to doze off again and there’s probably poo.

Eventually, however, I realized something that prevented me from finding this annoying. I learned to think like a baby — or, specifically, I learned to think like I thought a baby would think. I imagined being a baby and waking up in the middle of the night in my crib. It would go something like this:

Where am I?

Who am I?

What am I?

So of course you cry. You don’t really know anything about the world in which you are living or who you are. So you cry. It’s really all you know how to do while you begin to learn how to learn about the world and yourself. There’s nothing annoying about that at all.

As babies get older, of course, their thoughts get more complex. At 13 months, I think Soren has pretty much figured out where, who, and what he is. Now he thinks more elaborate things, such as:

What’s that?

Can I get it by means of grabbing, walking, or crying?

Can I squish it?

Does it make noise?

Does it do anything if I make noise at it?

Can I eat it?

If I can’t eat it, can I walk around with it in my mouth?

Does it run away from me and, if so, can I grab it?

Is it funny?

What happens when I throw it to where I can’t get it and how does that differ from someone taking it away from me?

Is it sent from hell to oppress me and make me miserable (this is reserved for socks, shoes, and toothbrushes)?

This might be evidence of my immaturity, but I find thinking like a baby fun. Honestly, the whole having-a-kid thing is way more fun than I though it would be, maybe because it kind of allows me to think about myself and the world in a new way. Kind of like this:

Where am I?

Who am I?

What am I?