A few weeks ago, someone I was sort-of friends with in college (I remember watching The Brave Little Toaster at her cool place above Bruegger’s a few times) added me as a friend on Facebook. I was all okay, cool, and accepted. The one thing I like about Facebook is that it allows me to, if I feel like it, keep up with what people from my past I don’t care about enough to email are doing without actually having to interact with them. (Wait, I’m being uncharitable. I also like that it allows me to easily schedule social events without having to touch a telephone.)
So okay cool, we’re Facebook friends. Only then I see that she posts updates all the time and they’re all about Irish dance and libertarian politics. I’m trying to think of two things in the world I care less about than Irish dance and libertarian politics. Trying. Still trying. Giving up now. There are no things I care less about than Irish dance and libertarian politics.
Then today she posted something, and damn I wish I’d copied and pasted it because it was so great. It was something like this:
I’m going to be using Facebook primarily for my business. If I unfriend you here it’s because you haven’t liked my business page. We can always keep in touch by email.
Her business is a small Irish dance school located 1,000 miles away from where I live.
I generally don’t unfriend people on Facebook. I don’t know why. If you annoy me, I’ll hide your updates and forget you exist, but chances are I won’t unfriend you. And I’m still smarting from the time the most boring person in the entire universe — whose updates I kept hidden because they were all “I’m at Walmart!” and “I love my husband!” and “My kids are great!” and “No fucking duh!” — had the gall to unfriend me. I haven’t unfriended anyone on Facebook since the mail carrier I didn’t even know in real life who posted something about how Barack Obama’s birth certificate was signed by Dr. Al Qaeda and why was I even friends with this person in the first place.
But damn if I didn’t unfriend this “like my irrelevant business or I’m gonna unfriend you” hooch. I mean, what? Was I supposed to wait for her to unfriend me because I didn’t like her business? Why did she friend me in the first place? It would be one thing if she friended me because she wanted to see how hot and awesome I am now, but obviously she’s just looking for bodies to like her stupid business that chances are is not relevant to their interests or locations.
The other thing I don’t get is a libertarian engaging in this sort of behavior. As a hippie liberal, I’m no libertarian scholar or anything, but even Wikipedia tells me that libertarianism is based on concepts like “voluntary associations of free individuals” and “protecting individuals from coercion and violence.” Dude, if your little dancey dance business is worthy of liking, free individuals will voluntarily like it. They should be free from coercion when doing so. Damn, girl. The political party you openly support advocates “a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others.” Don’t ask me to sacrifice my values, which include but are not limited to not liking your stupid business on Facebook, for the benefit of you.
Clearly, seeing her frequent libertarian propaganda posts was causing resentment to build, something I didn’t even notice until she pulled this like-my-stupid-business shit. If I weren’t already seething to some extent, I wouldn’t be writing this whole bitchy post now.
Maybe I need to be more proactive about unfriending and unfollowing people who annoy me. What’s the point of being annoyed on the internet and why do I insist on doing it?