The problem I want to discuss is in addition to the fact that I have a can of Coke that expired in 2007 in my office. I found it while half-assedly cleaning out part of my desk the other day and I’ve been meaning to dump it and recycle the can but haven’t gotten around to it, so it just provides a sexy background for my photo. (I drink only coffee and water at work. The only time I drink Coke is when I’m exceptionally hungover, and even then it’s not regular Coke any more because Ben gets Coke Zero, which is fine and anyway why drink soda when there’s coffee and beer.)
The problem is as follows. Remember how I said I was going to make a necklace that one time? Well I did, and I thought it was fun and liked the necklace I made. So then I made a few more necklaces. I’ve been looking for inspiration so I can make even more necklaces, which means I end up on websites for stores where I might like to buy stuff. Despite the fact that I totally failed on my spending fast (oh man, I have to update you on that tragedy), I’m really, really, really trying to avoid buying stuff.
I’m also re-reading Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. In it, Shunryo Suzuki states:
Or you may say, “This is bad, so I should not do this.” Actually, when you say, “I should not do this,” you are doing not-doing in that moment. So there is no choice for you. When you separate the idea of time and space, you feel as if you have some choice, but actually, you have to do something, or you have to do not-doing. Not-to-do something is doing something. Good and bad are only in your mind. So we should not say, “This is good,” or “This is bad.” Instead of saying bad, you should say, “not-to-do!” If you think, “This is bad,” it will create some confusion for you. So in the realm of pure religion there is no confusion of time and space, or good or bad. All that we should do is just do something as it comes. Do something! Whatever it is, we should do it, even if it is not-doing something.
So substitute “shopping” for “this” and you can kind of see where I’m at right now. Not-to-do! I’m not-doing shopping. Or at least that’s my intent. Not-to-do has never been easy for me.
By the way, I’m getting into Buddhism again, but the fact I’m re-discovering religion thanks to an NFL running back is a discussion for another day.
In my travels around the internet looking for necklaces to copy, I found one I thought was amazing. I sat cross-legged on my bed (this allows me to keep my laptop plugged in because my battery doesn’t last very long and a new laptop battery is something I’ll gladly avoid shopping for because I’d much rather buy more necklaces, which, by the way, I don’t need) and began shopping (see how this works) for supplies. I’d need some chartreuse string and some nice chunky chain and some big lucite beads and, oh wait. It’s not easy to find big lucite beads. My usual bead stores don’t carry them. So I ended up on Etsy, where I rounded up random vintage lucite beads that looked like they might be the right size and sort of have the right vibe, although the ones that were big enough were faceted instead of smooth and okay that’s probably more detail than you need. Then I had to find a pavé rectangle or oval-ish thing and three small beads, all in different colors, none of which I already own.
By the time I’d found most of the supplies, including a dismantled vintage rhinestone belt because nobody sells a suitable pavé rectangle thing, I realized that what I’d make wouldn’t look nearly as good as the inspiration necklace and would cost almost as much money, so I might as well just buy the damn thing. So I did.
And that’s dumb. But damn I love this necklace. And this is why I have dukkha, as they say in Buddhism.
So anyway, I have one necklace in the works and supplies for a few more, but I think I’m going to have to take a break from this hobby because it’s turning out to be expensive. I’m hoping that rediscovering Buddhism will be much cheaper and will provide the mental clarity I need to stop being such a necklace whore.