Denver


City Plus: The Good Son

As you may recall, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of moving to the country and living in some kind of farm-like situation. I mean seriously, I’d like to move to this house right now. If there is a house in the world that is more perfect for us I can’t imagine it. But I know a number of things, a few of which are: this isn’t a good time for us to move, we don’t have jobs on the Western Slope, if all the hail this year has taught me anything it’s that I’m not ready to try to live off the land because nature can be cruel especially to young vegetable plants, it would be hard to manage rental properties from so far away and we don’t want to hire and pay someone to do it for us, and we actually do live in a really cool house and we’ve only been here for a year and let’s not be silly.

So instead of spending all my time thinking about how glorious it would be to live in the country and how I’d, like, wear an apron and make my own candles or whatever, I’ve decided that I should think about how awesome Denver is (it is really awesome) and all the cool things we can do here that we couldn’t do in the country.

So my first City Plus is The Good Son. This is a pizza place/taphouse on the corner of Colfax and Elizabeth. They have things other than pizza and beer, but I can’t imagine caring about things other than pizza and beer when there’s pizza and beer. It’s Detroit-style pizza, which I’ve never had. In relevant part, Detroit-style pizza is greasy and has no defined crust around the edges, so the cheese goes all the way to the end and gets crispy and brown and OMG if there’s anything better in life than crispy pizza edge cheese it’s . . . Grapefruit Sculpin, which they have on tap. The beer list is fantastic, as is the patio. We got The Cheese Royale and The Spartan (Why have we not been putting spinach artichoke dip on pizza?!) and both were so good. Not the normal kind of pizza I’m into, but so delicious. It’s super greasy, which I don’t mind, and would be a good base for a night of drinking, if you’re into that sort of thing.

We went there this evening after Soren had golf, which is another thing we wouldn’t have in the country. It was super great.

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Here’s one thing I won’t miss about Soren going to “school.” (It’s really “summer camp” right now; they’re always doing stuff like going to the splash park or to the pool or whatever). When he gets home, he’s starving. He’ll eat one snack. Then he’ll eat another snack. Then one more snack. By the time we have dinner Soren has had 12 dinners. When we’re homeschooling, I’m going to try to provide enough food throughout the day so this doesn’t happen, but who knows if that’s even possible with a growing boy. So after school and then golf, and with a 20+ minute wait for pizza (We should’ve ordered an appetizer.) he was, as you might guess, starving and, like, melting into his chair with sheer hunger. The coloring page they gave him entertained him for a few minutes, but as soon as he finished that it was back to whining about when is our food coming and I’m sooooooo hungry, so Ben suggested that he turn the page over and draw some food. So that helped. And then we had delicious greasy pizza.


Botanic Gardens: August 2014

We finally made it to the Botanic Gardens for the first time this summer. The Chihuly exhibition is great but hoo boy it was crowded. It was also very cloudy, which means these photos aren’t good, but it’s nice to get back to posting pictures of pretty stuff. It’s probably time to bust out and start learning how to use my dad’s fancy camera, which is now my fancy camera.

Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens
Botanic Gardens


January 1, 2014

This morning was brutal. The short version goes like this: sleep deprivation + hangover + PMS = a boiling cauldron of chaos and terror.

The long version involves a sleepover New Year’s Eve party. This sort of thing is always a good idea in theory, but my problem is apparently I can’t sleep anywhere other than our house, so I was awake almost all night thinking about how I couldn’t sleep, wondering if it was worth it to get up to drink more water, listening to my dog (it’s not a party without Sadie!) pitter patter throughout the house and wait for her to come back while wondering what she was getting into in a new place, reading about planets, tossing, turning, sighing heavily, and finally dozing off only to wake up a short time later. The same thing happens to me while camping. I probably need to take advantage of sleepy weed before trying to engage in slumber anywhere that isn’t my own bed. Why I don’t do this is a mystery for the ages.

My plan had been to get up around 7. Soren would either be sleeping (no) or running around the house with his friend screaming (yes). He’d stay there and Ben and I would bring Sadie home, feed the animals, make some coffee, get dressed, and head to Denver Kush Club by the time they opened at 8. What happened instead culminated in me standing in the kitchen in sweatpants, crying, losing my will to live, trying to get Ben to understand that I couldn’t go to the marijuana store looking like this but I was incapable of engaging in the activities that would allow me to look better.

I hate when I get all dramatic like this but sometimes it happens. I’m awful when I don’t sleep.

A glimmer of inspiration came when I got a DM from someone who was about to travel all the way from Boulder to buy weed in Denver on the first day of legalization. That’s when it hit me — holy crap, I’m a huge lame ass. I’ve been talking this up for weeks and acting like it’s the most important thing to ever happen, and what a stupid flake hypocrite I’d be to not participate in the day especially when there are several dispensaries within 5 minutes of our house. So I sucked it up, did my 3-minute makeup application, changed out of my sweats and back into the clothes I wore last night (sexy) but for Converse All Stars (don’t wear these if you’re going to stand outside and it’s at all cold), drank some goddamn coffee and said okay fine let’s go. Ben was relieved I finally got my shit together, no surprise.

We drove by Denver Kush Club at around 9:00. It was cloudy, cold, and snowing, and the line wasn’t horrible but it was a longer line than we really wanted to stand in right then. So we went to The Health Center and it was kind of mysterious. The lights weren’t on and nobody was outside, but we knew they were supposed to be open. It turned out they opened at 10. So we drove by DKC again and the line was even longer.

That’s when we figured we should get bagels and wait it out at THC. Bagels are delicious. We got a spot in the parking lot and hung out in the car. There were a few other people there with the same idea. It was pretty great. We sat there watching people drive up, park in a spot right by the door, and be told by the security guard that they couldn’t park there. We saw people walk up and be told that they didn’t open until 10. I was surprised when it was after 9:30 and people chose to leave instead of waiting. This would turn out to be a terrible mistake, because from everything I’ve heard, every other dispensary had a longer wait. We watched dispensary employees come and go with office supplies and whatever else they needed to get this exciting new branch of their business up and running.

At around 9:50, a few people wandered up and got in line so we did, too. There were just 4 dudes (lots of dudes in line!) in front of us. As you may know, I hate standing in lines for any reason, but this was the most pleasant line-waiting experience I’ve ever had. Pretty much every person waiting in line to make a purchase on the first day of legal recreational marijuana is fucking awesome. Everybody is friendly and feeling grateful to be there, excited that this is finally possible.

A few minutes after 10, the door opened and we got to go into a small room where you get searched by a security guard (Don’t bring any guns, bombs, knives, or grenades to the dispensary.) and show your ID to a woman behind a window. Then the first few people got to go into the next room. We waited and chatted with the security guard. When the guy who made the first retail purchase at THC exited, everybody clapped and cheered. It was awesome.

When it was our turn, we got to go to the display area, where we were helped by a super nice, enthusiastic dude wearing a hat. He asked what we liked in terms of indica/sativa/hybrid and described some strains to us. We smelled some and settled on Super Silver Diesel, which is a hybrid and smell-wise reminded me of hops even more than other strains of weed remind me of hops. The guy at the counter gives you a sticky note with your order on it, you wait for a few minutes, you go to get your order filled and elaborately packaged, and then you check out. (Bring cash.) We were out by 10:30 and the line outside was much longer.

I was pretty excited.

me & a bag of weed

And here’s what a bag of legal marijuana looks like.

super silver diesel

It was a freaking awesome experience and I’m so excited to have been a part of it. It’s cool as hell to get to go to a dispensary and choose the weed you want to buy. And, we made history today here in Colorado! And I’m really proud of how cool everybody was. I’ve been following coverage online and on the news, and by all accounts, people were mellow and not acting a fool or smoking in public. I hope the rest of the country and the rest of the world sees how Colorado is handling legal marijuana and it becomes legal everywhere because man, it should be.

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Things to Know About Renewing Your Driver’s License in Denver

  • The office is in the middle of nowhere.
  • You can make an appointment to renew your driver’s license online. No seriously. Go here if you want to do it. Having an appointment doesn’t get you VIP treatment, but it does seem to move you up in the line.
  • Have $21 in cash ($22 if you want to donate to the organ donation awareness thing) unless you are old school enough to want to write a check.
  • Have verification of your address that does not have an erroneous zip code, which will make the process take longer.
  • When they tell you to sign in the middle of the box, do it. Don’t go outside the lines. If you go outside the lines, they’ll make you sign again, but this time they’ll give you a little cardboard template so you can’t go outside the lines. You’ll feel like a disappointing 4-year-old.
  • If 800 people will be calling you in the next 10 minutes, maybe turn down your ringer lest you get glared at by the old guy working the counter.
  • Know your hair color. This seems easy, but what happens when your hair color looks like this? (Princess headband c/o Soren.)

Trying to decide what this hair color is almost broke the DMV today.

  • The woman at the counter was all, “Eye and hair color?” and I was all “Green and . . . um . . . I have no idea.” I grabbed some hair and held it out. “What color is this?” She didn’t know either. “What does your old one say,” she said, looking at the unfortunate dark brown dye job I had 10 years ago as depicted in the worst photograph of me to ever exist. No, that doesn’t work. It’s not really blonde and it’s not really brown. It’s somewhere near the intersection of those colors. It’s a color but not really a color. It’s sands in the hourglass. Wait. “I have ‘sandy’ as an option,” she offered, looking at a list of hair colors. “Yeah. That works. Okay.” My hair looks like a beach and “sandy” (abbreviation “SDY”) is a hair color option for your driver’s license.
  • Be prepared to remove your hoodie, scarf, or jacket for your photo.
  • Be prepared to remove your glasses. When being photographed, you’ll be asked to remove your glasses even if you always wear them and nobody would recognize you if you didn’t. Even if you have glasses indentations on your nose. Immediately after being asked to remove your glasses, you’ll be asked to look at something you can’t see. Just nod and smile and look straight ahead.
  • Be prepared to move your hair, which you’ve been lovingly adjusting to look just right, behind your shoulders before being photographed.
  • Be prepared to watch the photographer consider your photo for what seems like a very long time, pensive look on his face, while you wonder whether he’s doing routine work or gazing in horror upon your terrifying visage.
  • Be prepared to look like a complete idiot in your photo, although you won’t know how terrible you look until you receive your new license in the mail, sometime within the next month.
  • Start lobbying for a new law that allows you to submit a selfie for your driver’s license photo.
  • Start a crowdfunding campaign for tiny glasses stickers people can put on their driver’s licenses so they look like themselves.

 


Here are a few reasons I live in Denver instead of wherever you live that currently has better weather.

  • We (regular non-rich people) can afford to live in a house that’s less than two miles from downtown.
  • That house is cute and historic and is located in a cute and historic neighborhood.
  • I never have to be in my car for more than 10 minutes at a time.
  • We have some of the best beer in the world and new microbreweries are opening all the time.
  • Legal recreational marijuana as of 1/1/14!
  • We have teams for every major sport and it’s not a pain to get to games.
  • We can have chickens and goats.
  • We’re close to the mountains, which, while more than 10 minutes away by car, are beautiful and filled with awesome places to visit.
  • The weather is usually decent and the snow usually melts all by itself within a day or two.
  • We have four actual seasons.
  • No humidity.
  • Sunshine.
  • As a result of the sunshine, we can effectively use solar power.
  • Traffic isn’t that bad (although to be fair, many people here don’t know how to drive).
  • We’re generally pretty fit, healthy, outdoorsy, and active.
  • Nobody really cares what you’re wearing.
  • You can raise a kid in the city without going broke sending him or her to private school.
  • People from Denver don’t go on reality shows and tediously drone on and on about where we’re from, as if it’s interesting to anyone.
  • There’s a good chance our football team will win the Super Bowl this year.