The Northern Illinois University Huskies are awesome.
The Northern Illinois University Huskies are awesome.
I promise I won’t write about fantasy football this year other than to show you my team. Last year, I had a thoroughly researched and well-documented round-by-round draft strategy and lists of who I wanted when. My team sucked ass. This year, I did absolutely no preparation before the draft other than look at a list Ben printed for me and find the issue of Sports Illustrated that ranks fantasy players. Well and I drank beer, but that’s a given. And this year, my team will be awesome. Or not. The thing with fantasy football can be summarized in three words: Nobody fucking knows.
I picked sixth in a 10-team league. (We used to be a 12-team league, which is much more badass, but the powers that be changed it this year.) And the good news is that I did better than Ben, always wins, picked last this year, accidentally picked two dudes who are suspended including someone named Isaiah Pead, better name his team I. Pead.
If you play fantasy football, good luck!
Remember when I used to write an annual post about the walk-up music of the Colorado Rockies? I never got around to it this year . . . until now. Some of these might be outdated because they’re from a list I got in April, but many of them were Shazamed by yours truly this very afternoon. Sorry most of the pitchers are still a mystery and, speaking of mysteries, I had no idea my old buddy Manny Corpas was even back. Shows how much I care about baseball this year. Anyway, enjoy!
Nolan Arenado – Dangerous by Yin Yang Twins feat. Wyclef Jean
Charlie Blackmon – Your Love by The Outfield
Michael Cuddyer – Killin it by Krewella
Charlie Culberson –
Corey Dickerson – Sail by AWOLNATION
Dexter Fowler – Super Bad by James Brown
Carlos Gonzalez – Flow Violento by Arcangel
Todd Helton – Springsteen by Eric Church
Jonathan Herrera – Rescate by Alexis & Fido
DJ LeMahieu – Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
Wilin Rosario – Con To Lo Cacabele by El Alfa
Yorvit Torrealba – Papa Dios Me Dijo by Secreto El Biberon
Troy Tulowitzki – Public Service Announcement by Jay Z
Matt Belisle –
Chad Bettis –
Rex Brothers –
Jhoulys Chacin –
Manny Corpas –
Jorge De La Rosa – Bailando Por El Mundo by Juan Magan feat. El Cata & Pitbull
Edgmer Escalona –
Jeff Francis –
Wilton Lopez –
Jeff Manship –
Juan Nicasio –
Adam Ottavino –
Josh Outman –
I haven’t talked about baseball lately because my team sucks. Additionally, I’m not much for all-star games. MLB is the only one I ever watch, mainly because they fish me in with the home run derby and then I just kind of end up watching it because well, what else is happening on a Tuesday in July when I don’t have internet access. (Again! The good news is we’re back in the loving arms of Comcast as of today. I know people hate Comcast but honestly I’ve never had anything but good experiences with them and their internet is so fast I could write this post from the moon and you’d still get to read it today, not like that’s any great reward but you know, with our former provider the post would’ve been delivered by a very slow rat with a broken leg and you would’ve gotten it some time next week, maybe.)
Last night, I sat down just in time to see Mariano Rivera enter the game. If you don’t know Mariano Rivera, he’s the closer for the New York Yankees, although he’s more than just the closer for the New York Yankees. He’s the greatest closer of all time. I don’t love the New York Yankees, but I love Mariano Rivera, who, at age 43, is retiring at the end of this season, which makes this his last All-Star Game.
Watching Mariano Rivera enter the game last night gave me chills, no lie. I might’ve teared up a little, the way I do while watching One Shining Moment at the end of March Madness every year.
I’m no Metallica fan either, but damn that’s good entrance music. (It’s also a good song to bust out while running, if you’re into that sort of thing.)
I’ve been trying to figure out what it is about Mariano Rivera that makes just about everybody (who knows who he is) in the world love him. (Full disclosure: I have found one person who does not like Mariano Rivera.) The good news for me is that Jason Gay already said it, so now I can just be lazy and link the awesome article he wrote: “Let’s Be Cool Like Mariano Rivera.”
Ben and I used to do this thing where we’d talk about what would happen to the animals if one of us dumped the other. Why? I have no idea. It must be something that happens in the same part of your brain that enjoys watching shit like Revolution (although it’s terrible) or Under the Dome: What would we do if the power went off and never came back? What would we do if we were trapped under a dome?
Last night I was reading about Juror B37 (for the record, I heartily disapprove of Juror B37) (on my phone, because we had no internet connection) and the discussion turned to people with parrots. Someone then said something to the effect of: people who are into “exotic pets” are weird/undatable. Then it hit me that, holy crap, if I were single, I’d be undatable. (You can’t be a blogger if you don’t make a national tragedy and grave injustice into something trivial about yourself but hey, you might as well if you’re not going to write a serious post about Trayvon Martin, which I’m not because criminal law really wears on my soul and I only practiced it for a year and a half until I really couldn’t take any more. I once had a client who got screwed because he was wearing a hoodie and he didn’t die or anything but he did end up going to prison for no good reason. It’s all so unfair and I don’t know how it’ll ever get much better.)
So if Ben dumped me, what would probably happen is I’d have four cats. (VIP is my cat from before Ben and I even met and she doesn’t like anybody but me. Xochitl, Jupiter, and Peep are related and it would be wrong to split them up. I don’t see Ben having three cats, so they’d stay with me, too.) I’d probably have one dog but then I’d get another one because apparently I’m a firm believer in having more than one of any particular animal. I imagine I’d have the chickens, although I have not confirmed this with Ben. (If a dome fell on our town, we’d try to stay home and lay low, living off stuff growing in our yard for as long as possible so as not to get meningitis or draw attention to all the zucchini and have people coming in and stealing it. If you dump me, I’d probably have the chickens.)
So there’s me: I have a kid, four cats, two dogs, and a bunch of chickens. I wouldn’t put that shit in my online dating profile or anything, but eventually you’re going to find out and realize that nice lady who likes reading Better Homes and Gardens and shopping at Chico’s after she gets a sassy short cut at the salon really isn’t that bad. And then I’ll get a parrot.
Remember that time I said JaVale McGee should have a reality show? It’s happening! (Read more about it here.)
Of course I had nothing to do with it. I can’t guarantee I won’t drink beer and live blog the show.
The problem with doing your bracket on a day you’re not drinking is that it ends up being pretty conservative. I really want to put VCU in the Final Four but just can’t make it happen. Oh well. Enjoy, if you’re into that sort of thing. And if you’re not, I might be back with something substantive tomorrow. Woohoo!
In other news, if I had a kid who was in college, I’d want him to be Kelly Olynyk. How cute is he, his hair, and his headband?
Did you see what Russell Westbrook is wearing at the 2013 NBA Celebrity Game? Holy crap it’s awesome.
I’m not sure it beats what James Harden is wearing, though. I couldn’t find a picture of his outfit so I had to take one of my tv.
The shoes, which you can’t see here, are great.
I think Westbrook wins on clothes and Harden wins on glasses and, as always, facial hair. One of the best things I’ve ever read was the line in a Sports Illustrated article that said James Harden’s beard “juts outward from his chin as if trying to colonize other faces.” Love it.
My buddy Torstein Horgmo comes through again to get a perfect score and take gold in X Games Snowboard Big Air. I’m stoked. This is his third gold in Snowboard Big Air and he’s the only guy to win gold in the event more than once.
If you don’t know about JaVale McGee, peep this (it’s short):
(FYI he has a tiny mustache tattooed on his finger. I normally hate anything faux-mustache related — OMG that thing several years ago where every wedding had a photobooth with fake mustaches on a stick was the worst — but JaVale McGee manages to pull it off.)
I think there should be a JaVale McGee reality show or, in the alternative, JaVale McGee should appear on an existing or defunct reality show. Here are some ideas.
I’m sure there are many other reality shows that could benefit from a dose of JaVale McGee — I mean really, who couldn’t?
See also The Nick and JaVale Show on YouTube.
By the way, you can follow JaVale McGee on Twitter here. Do it.
of the post-game interview wherein Kenneth Faried says “shit.” How cute is he?